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我是在中国学医的白人学生,在中国能找到男朋友吗

来源:  BBSGood社区    时间:2019-10-31 10:00:06   关注:119   转发


Will I ever get a boyfriend in China? I am one of only about five white students studying medicine in Chine for the next six years. I feel I may not be seen as attractive at all.


我会在中国找到男朋友吗?我是未来六年仅有的在中国学医的五个白人学生之一。我觉得我可能一点都不吸引人。


 以下是Quora读者的评论:


Chuan Li, lived in China


It's going to be difficult, but possible.


You need to learn how to deal with the alienation. It's normal that Chinese people are not used to dealing with foreigners. As you have observed yourself, there are only a handful of them around. So it will take them a little while to put down their curiosity and start treating you like a normal person. Be nice and tolerate their initially awkward behaviors and you will eventually break the barrier.


Whether you are attractive or not is not the problem. Studying in the U.S., my friends and I are quite used to foreigners, but most of us still prefer Chinese or, at the very least, Asian girls. We do find people of other races physically attractive, but the culture barrier makes it hard for us to emotionally bond with them. We have different sense of humor; we value different things; we prefer different foods, and most importantly, we treat our loved ones differently. Speaking for men, some Chinese gentlemen show their affection by taking care of every daily needs of their lover, but some western women find it strange; some are a bit “traditional” and dominating, but western women are usually more independent. If you are not willing to make compromises (personally I think you shouldn't, but who am I to judge), then it WILL take you quite a while to find someone who clicks with you.


Certain people are more open to foreigners than others. If you are studying medicine, then stereotypically it's less likely for you to find a foreigner-friendly boyfriend among your more traditional peers. Go out of your circle and look for people that are more used to foreigners, such as those had been studying aboard or those who travel a lot. You tend to find more open minded friends through them and build your circle from there.


很困难,但也并非不无可能。


你需要学会如何应对被人疏远的情况。中国人不习惯和外国人打交道,这很正常。正如你自己所观察到的,你身边的人并不多。他们需要一段时间来放下好奇心,开始像对待正常人一样对待你。友好一点,容忍他们最初的令人尴尬的行为,你最终会打破障碍的。


你是否有吸引力并不成问题。我在美国学习时,我和我的朋友们已经习惯了外国人,但我们大多数人仍然更喜欢中国女孩,或者至少是亚洲女孩。我们确实发现其他种族的人在外表上有吸引力,但文化障碍使我们很难在情感上与她们建立联系。我们有不同的幽默感;我们重视不同的东西;我们喜欢不同的食物,最重要的是,我们对待我们爱的人不太一样。对于男人来说,有些中国绅士通过照顾情人的日常需求来表达他们的感情,但有些西方女人却觉得奇怪;有些人有点“传统”和专横,但西方女性通常更为独立。如果你不愿意妥协(就我个人而言,我认为你不该妥协,但我也没有什么资格去评判),那么你得等待相当长的一段时间才能找到一个合拍的人。


有些人对外国人比较开放。如果你是学医的,那么你在更传统的同龄人中找到一个对外国人友好的男朋友的可能性就更小。走出你的圈子,寻找那些更习惯与外国人相处的人,比如那些曾在国外留学或经常旅行的人。你往往会通过他们找到思想更开放的朋友,并搭建起自己的圈子。


 


Beau Deseo, Broken heart? That ain't nothing new.


The funny thing is it depends on where you are. I can actually speak a decent portion of Mandarin, and the funniest thing is they really do notice you and talk about you like everyone else.


At one point, I walked past 3 Chinese women and to my sorrow they said “Wow he is so muscular and cute.. but he is too dark.” It all depends on preference. Most Asian cultures are born with a shade of brown. Yet they spend so much money, time, and effort to become white.


If you do not already speak Mandarin or Cantonese (I say Cantonese because I am not sure which side of China you are in) I would suggest learning to do so. Instantly many men will be attracted to you if you can speak the same language as them. Language is a huge barrier, especially for people who are mostly introverted.


For me, they are probably admiring you, if they stare longer than most people would, chances are they are either admiring you, or wondering why you are in China haha!


If you wanted a boyfriend in China I personally think you would be happy. (You would need to conform to their culture and language though).


有趣的是,这取决于你在哪里。实际上,我会说不少普通话,最有趣的是,他们真的会注意到你,像其他人一样谈论你。


有一次,我路过3个中国女人,她们说:“哇,他好健壮,好可爱……但是他太黑了。“这完全取决于个人喜好。大多数亚洲人生来肤色偏黑。可他们会花很多钱、时间和精力来美白。


如果你还不会说普通话或广东话(我说广东话是因为我不确定你在中国哪里),我会建议你好好学一点。如果你能说和他们一样的语言,很多男人会立刻被你吸引。语言是一个巨大的障碍,尤其是对那些内向的人来说。


对我来说,他们可能会羡慕你,或者想知道你为什么来中国哈哈!


如果你想在中国交男朋友,我个人认为你会很高兴。(当然,你需要跟他们的文化和语言合拍)。


 


Hanyi Lu, One of 1.3 billion.


The answe is yes. But you will have to put in some work.


First of all, you will have to overcome the language barrier. Surely Chinese college students know English, but I doubt most students would be able to keep a conversation alive with a native English speaker for longer than 20s. So in order to enter the dating department in China, learning Chinese and becoming fluent at it in most cases is almost necessary.


Second, dating culture is just completely different in China. Here guys are not required to make the first move. And since you are white, specially if you are like blonde hair and blue eyes, it would definitely be intimidating to most Chinese guy who have only seen other races on TV. Your distinct physical feature doesn't necessarily make you unattractive in China, as a matter of fact, it would become a plus to many guys because you look very exotic. But to most Chinese, they would definitely think twice before making a move on a white girl. So my advice is to stop being passive and make the first move if you like the guy. In China no one would judge the girl if she makes the first move.


Good luck dating in China.


答案是肯定的。但是你必须做点准备。


首先,你必须克服语言障碍。中国大学生当然懂英语,但我怀疑大多数学生能否与英语母语者对话20秒以上。因此,为了在中国约会,学习中文并流利听说几乎是必要的条件。


其次,中国的约会文化是完全不同的。在这里,男人无需主动。因为你是白人,如果你金发碧眼,绝对会令大多数只在电视里看过其他人种的人对你敬而远之。你明显不同的外貌特征并不一定会让你在中国失去吸引力,事实上,它会成为一个加分项,因为你看起来很有异国情调。但对大多数中国人来说,他们在追求白人女孩之前肯定会三思而后行。所以我的建议是,如果你喜欢他,就不要被动等待,而要主动出击。在中国,如果女孩主动,没有人会对她品头论足。


祝你在中国约会好运。


 


Louise Berman, a woman


Wow, one in 5 out of 40,000 students! Now that is a minority.


I can only see it from their point of view. Maybe they’re afraid you’re eventually going to leave the country so why start a relationship? Maybe they have never interacted with a European before, so they don’t know how to approach you? Maybe they think you are not attracted to them, so they don’t approach you.


Most of the scenarios I can think of have to do with them and not you.


Best to not think about it and go about your life. I know that’s hard. How to want something by not wanting something…that is a complex conundrum.


译文来源:三泰虎  http://www.santaihu.com/48692.html 译者:Joyceliu


哇,四万个学生才选出5个!这绝对是凤毛麟角了。


我只能从他们的角度来看待这个问题。也许他们会担心既然你最终会离开这个国家,为什么要开始一段感情呢?也许他们以前从来没有和欧洲人交往过,所以他们不知道如何接近你?也许他们认为你对他们没有吸引力,所以他们不会接近你。


我能想到的大多数情况都与他们有关,与你无关。


最好不要去想这个问题,继续生活吧。我知道这很难。如何通过不想要某物来得到某物……这是一个复杂的难题。


 


Ziyu, lives in China


Yes,of course you will!


As far as I'm concerned, girls from Europe are very welcomed by Chinese. But just because you come from Europe, and it is difficult for them to have the courage to talk with you. Maybe they afraid that you had a boyfriend or you didn't want to talk with them.


So, it is important for you be friendlier. You can say hello to the students to show that it's easy to be friend with you.


Next, it's also essential to learn to speak some Chinese words at least. Just some words in common use. It will help a lot.


Also, you can take part in more activities with Chinese friends. Many Chinese students may really want to make friends with you, but there's few opportunity for them. So, play with them together, and give them a chance to know you!


Hope you will find your right one!:


是的,你当然有机会!


在我看来,欧洲女孩很受中国人的欢迎。但也因为你来自欧洲,所以他们很难鼓起勇气来和你交谈。也许他们害怕你有男朋友,或者你不想和他们说话。


所以,对你而言,友好亲切一些是很重要的。你可以向学生们问好,向他们表明和你交朋友并非难事。


其次,至少要学会说一些汉语单词。只需要一些常用的词就行。这会大有裨益。


此外,你可以多跟中国朋友参加一些活动。许多中国学生可能真的想和你交朋友,但对他们来说机会很少。所以,和他们一起玩,给他们一个认识你的机会!


希望你能找到你的真命天子!


 


Anonymous


You will be treated as a curiosity, for a time. After that, provided you were polite and nice, the people there will start treating you more normally, sometimes almost as if you grew up in China! Provided youe Mandarin is especially good of course!


Also some very old traditions mean that Chinese people generally prefer lighter skinned partners, so provided your white you should have an easier time than you expect. A note of warning though, this same tradition can also lead to some weird behavior. I’ve heard accounts where Chinese people get a white partner specifically just for social status and boasting, so make sure whoever you find is someone who is with you for who you are, not what your skin colour is


在一段时间内,你会被当作一个好奇的目标。在那之后,只要你有礼貌和友善,那里的人就会开始更正常地对待你,有时几乎就像你在中国长大一样!当然前提是你的普通话特别好!


此外,一些非常古老的传统意味着,中国人通常更喜欢肤色较浅的伴侣,所以如果你是白人,你应该比你想象的更容易相处。但要注意的是,同样的传统也会导致一些奇怪的行为。我听过一些报道,说中国人找白人做伴侣只是为了获得社会地位和炫耀,所以要确保你找到的那个人是真正的你,而不是你的肤色


 


Peter Metcalf


Read up on the typical Chinese response to whites before you make any conclusions. Secondly, don’t worry about it. Worrying doesn’t make you more attractive, but less so. Be the person you are, and above all, be in your heart when you relate to men. You will be far more sensitive to who they are, their values, etc. You don’t want a boyfriend who doesn’t appreciate your various interests, your strengths, your personality, your appearance, your joy, your personal expression, and in the case of more mature relationships, your frailties as a human being. Enjoy your life there. That is the best, and maybe only way for that person to run into you and vice-versa. Do well in school too. Excel, without breaking your health or distorting your personality.


在你得出任何结论之前,仔细研究一下中国人对白人的典型反应。第二,不要担心。担忧不会让你更有吸引力,而是适得其反。做你自己,最重要的是,当你和男人交往时,要把自己放在心里。你会对他们是谁、他们的价值观等等更加敏感。你不会想找一个不欣赏你的各种兴趣、长处、性格、外表、快乐、个性表达的男朋友,而在更成熟的关系中,你会发现自己的人性弱点。享受你在中国的生活吧。这是最好的,也许是那个人发现你的唯一方式,反之亦然。在学校也好好表现。在不损害你的健康或扭曲你的个性的情况下,尽量出类拔萃。


 


Yu-Hsing Chen, Well versed on history of China, and follows its politics a bit


Well assuming 99.9% of the other 39,999 students are Chinese locals, the odds aren’t great.


It’s not the problem of attractiveness, it’s the general perception that Asian men just don’t date White women , it’s not very common even in the USA, let alone in China.


There’s a long list of reasons why and most of it involve a lot of unfortunate stereotypes.


But more or less it depends on the girl’s own intention and willingness as well, though if your hoping the guys ask first you might be waiting awhile


好吧,假设其他39999名学生中99.9%是中国本地人,那么这种可能性就不大。


这不是吸引力的问题,而是人们普遍认为亚洲男人不会跟白人女人约会,即使在美国也不是很普遍,更不用说在中国了。


有一长串的原因,其中大部分涉及到很多不幸的刻板印象。


但或多或少,这取决于女孩自己的意愿和意愿,虽然如果你希望男孩先追求你,你可能得等待一段时间。


 


Si Yuanyuan, college student


You can join some student groups to make some friends who share same interests. Such as oral English association,basketball association,etc.There are a lot of student groups in a campus.


If you think someone is attractive,just go and ask for his social media account. It's totally OK in a Campus.But don’t do it too frequently.


Hope you enjoy your life in China.


By the way,could you tell me which university are you in?


你可以加入一些学生团体,结交一些志同道合的朋友。如英语口语协会、篮球协会等。校园里有很多学生团体。


如果你觉得某人很有吸引力,就问他要社交媒体账号。在学校里是完全没问题的。但不要太频繁。


希望你在中国生活愉快。


顺便问一下,你能告诉我你在哪所大学吗?


 


Sue Noon


Well I am not all that knowledgeable about China


However, I do know a thing or two about people and that tastes in partners tend to be very a individual thing that differs greatly from person to person. So yes, odds are in your favor to find someone. But you will have to learn the language and you will need to mingle. To remain the odd one out is usually a bad strategy.


我对中国不是很了解。


但我确实对人有所了解,人们对另一半的品味往往因人而异。所以,是的,你找到另一半的几率是很大的。但是你必须学习这门语言,并且需要与人交往。总是与大家格格不入的话,是很糟糕的策略。


 


Raj, prefers to be in secret solace environment


you sound so desperate.. answer this why do you need to have a boy friend.. so that he can be your body guard ??? a terribly silly reason … take pride in your ethnicity and be confident about yourself and focus in your studies.. you are in China to study and not to get indulged in relationship that’s it..


听起来你很绝望…回答这个问题,为什么你需要找个男朋友,让他做你的保镖??这是一个非常愚蠢的理由……你要为自己的种族感到自豪,对自己有信心,专心学习……你在中国是来学习的,不是来谈恋爱的。


 


Shirley Watson


No , probably not . If you haven't found one by now you probably have no chance. A lot of Chinese men do not find Caucasian women attractive, and those who do would be terrified approaching you. So I'm afraid that even though the numbers are heavily skewed in your favour, you won't get approached . I suspect you'll have to be patient and wait out the six years.


不,可能不会。如果你现在还没有找到,你可能没有机会了。很多中国男人并不认为白种女人有吸引力,那些认为白种女人有吸引力的男人会害怕接近你。所以我担心,没人会主动接近你。我猜你这六年都得耐心等待了。


 


YeshiLodro Karma, Master's Art History & Aesthetics, Nanjing Normal University


I think what you need is not only a boyfriend . What you deserve is happiness. A boyfriend doesn't definitely bring you happiness. Just to be yourself and love yourself and one day your one true love will come to find you.


我觉得你需要的不只是一个男朋友。你应该得到的是幸福。男朋友不一定能给你带来幸福。做你自己,爱你自己,总有一天你的真爱会找到你。


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